Assholes Anonymous

When many alcoholics are actively engaged in their disease, they are not very lovable people. More often than not, they are manipulative, controlling, ( We could increase the list ad infinitum. ), assholes. After they have quit drinking, a lot of these people are simply just sober assholes. So in an effort to curb the rising tide of assholism, I present the following twelve step recovery program.


1) We admitted we were powerless over being assholes-that our attitudes had become unbearable.

2) Came to believe that an asshole bigger than us could intimidate us to civility.

3) Were forced to turn our will and our assets over to the care of our sponsors as they've seen fit.

4) Made a scathing and fearful immoral inventory of ourselves

5) Admitted to our sponsor, to ourselves, and to another asshole the exact nature of our wrongs-and were promptly indicted.

6) Were entirely unready to have our sponsor publicize all these defects of character.

7) Arrogantly demanded him to approve our shortcomings.

8) Made a list of all persons we hated and began to take revenge on them all.

9) Took direct revenge on such people whenever possible, except when to do so would martyr them or others.

10) Continued to take your inventory and when we were wrong promptly lied like hell.

11) Sought through therapy and medication to improve our reputations, hoping only for good PR and the money to carry that out.

12) Having had a rude awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to force this bullshit on other assholes, and to fake these principles in all public affairs.